Did you feel the rumble?

That's because last week America's colleges were rocked, rocked! by the biggest conservative protests ever! David Horowitz unleashed Islamo-Rastafarianism Awareness Week upon unsuspecting coeds, revealing the insidious plot hatched by dreadlocked jihadis hellbent on destroying America by subjecting us to endless playbacks of Exodus and enveloping us in a haze of sweet, sweet ganja smoke.

What's that? Islamo-fascism you say? Whatever. My point remains. Rocked.

While campuses dig out from the ivy-covered rubble, here's a few highlights you may have missed:

• Did you know that IFAW was actually just another lame attempt by Horowitz to gain some media exposure? It's true!

  "I'm a prominent conservative but no one is inviting me to speak at their campuses," Horowitz said in an interview with The Hatchet. "I had to create an event."

  The real reason Horowitz isn't invited to speak on campus is because freakshows play better at the circus midway - or on the quad, for that matter - than in the lecture hall.
• One group wasn't content to just listen to the battle cry of "Fascist!" being lobbed by partisans on both sides of the ideological spectrum. No, the Young America's Foundation at Michigan State University did them one better and invited a real live, honest-to-god fascist, British National Party chief Nick Griffin, to address the campus about Islam! When one of America's premier Islamophobic websites mentioned that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't the best choice of speakers, the head of YAF-MSU had this to say:

  In case you do not read Little Green Footballs, the blog is pro-Muslim, left-wing, politically correct, and basically a front for neoconservative foreign policy (instead of defending their culture, they want to build schools in the Anbar province). They are basically a puppet of the multiculturalists and believe that Islam is not the enemy of Western civilization and Christendom. Only Bush-bots read the Little Green Footballs blog.
  
  [...]
  
  Many of the comments on the LGF blog are critical of Pat Buchanan, Ron Paul, and paleoconservatism. If you are not a big government, globalist, middle-class-hating, promoter of economic treason, then LGF doesn’t like you.
  
  LGF and Al Qaeda both have something in common: they hate Western civilization and those who stand up for it.

  Burn! I think...
• The real tragedy of IFAW is that no one, not one single campus, booked Pamela Oshry Geller for a speaking engagement, thus depriving countless students of the benefits of her trenchant social analysis:
  Hellooooooooo therapy!

So there you have it - consider yourself informed of the imminent threat and grateful that you weren't drowned in a tidal wave of hilarious propaganda! As for me, I'll be welcoming our Islamo-Rastafari overlords with open arms. Jah rule!