Talkin' trash to the garbage around me.

24 January, 2008

What's the word I'm looking for?

You know, the one that means "awesomer than the most awesomest?" It's on the tip of my tongue, really... it's...

Rambo.

Can we count the ways in which the new Rambo flick will be teh awesome? We can, and we shall.

First, uh... it's a new Rambo, duh!

Second,
First question: "What happened to the shot where you punched the guy's head clear off?"

This movie is so badass you left on the cutting room floor the shot where you fucking punched some dude's head off? Where do I sign up?

Third,
"The ponderousness that comes with aging, the sense of weight, the sense of knowledge, of knowing too much, the lack of naivete, which has happened in my life, set the stage for me," [Stallone] explains. "I wanted Rambo to be heavier, bulkier, that's why his first line in the movie is pretty negative. He's given up. He has nothing."

Stallone says, "The other Rambos had a bit too much energy, were a bit too spry. I'm not trying to run myself down but there was much more vanity involved." By which he means that shirtless Rambo of yore with pectorals hard as dinner plates, glistening with baby oil as he writhes in agony and ecstasy on a makeshift cross? Exactly.

"It was all about body movement rather than the ferocity and commitment of what he was doing," Stallone says of his previous Rambos. "This character to me is much more interesting."

That's right, Rambo IV is a character study. Yeah, baby.

Fourth,
"Rambo," the film, written, directed, produced by and starring Stallone, opens nationwide on Friday and is perhaps the most graphically violent R-rated movie ever.

Pushing the envelope.

Fifth,
Question: "It's one of the most violent movies . . "

Stallone interrupts, "Not one of the most. I worked very hard for this." Everyone at the presser has a laugh.

Stallone says he was surprised that the Motion Picture Association of America gave the film an R rating: "When babies are being bayonetted and people are being flamed, I thought this will never go." But he told the ratings board, "I said guys, this is happening today -- and if we're ever going to do something that responds, where art has the ability to influence people's awareness and impact the lives of these people, don't dilute it, don't water it down. . . . Don't cut away too soon. Let it sink it. I want people to feel it. To their credit, they allowed this film to be as truthful as it could."

Stallone is referring to the plight of the Karen people and the Burmese military junta that crushed the pro-democracy "Saffron Revolution" led by monks this fall -- after the film was wrapped, which manages to make Sylvester Stallone, as a kind of human rights activist, appear prescient.

Not only is it the most violent R-rated movie ever, it's also a trenchant social commentary promoting a compelling human rights message.

Am I wrong? Is this not going to be the awesomest motion picture experience ever known to humankind? Is there any way I can enjoy this film unironically? Probably not! It's fucking Rambo!

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