Talkin' trash to the garbage around me.

07 October, 2007

So I haven't been blogging much as of late

And I have a good excuse. Well, excuses, really. Last week, we had a series of Big Meetings at work. There were some positive aspects to this - I got to have a very brief exchange with our newly-endorsed presidential candidate and some free meals and booze; but I also had to sit through a lot of meetings, not all of which were in the realm of the terribly exciting. On top of that, my parents are currently in town, which in many respects is really great, but adds another bunch of tensions and relationships to negotiate.

Let's see, what else. On Friday, I broke a cap off of one of my teeth, leaving an incredibly attractive gaping hole in the side of my mouth. If there's one thing I love, it's a trip to the dentist. If there's a silver lining to this, it's that the tooth that broke has already had a root canal, so it doesn't hurt at all. Ya-fucking-hoo.

To top it all off, on Tuesday morning I'm taking my dog into the vet for the last time. He's sitting here next to me, watching me type this, as trusting as he's ever been. I know I should feel like I'm doing the right thing - he's so old, he's confused, he can barely climb the stairs he needs to get in and out, his hair is falling out in clumps, and he's very obviously in pain. Honestly, I should have faced up to these facts before I left Oregon and subjected him to a week cooped up in a Volkswagon Beetle - and some of you even told me that. But there's no way that taking a being you've known for eleven years in to draw his final breaths feels like the right thing. It's supposed to be humane - it is humane - but it just makes me feel like a shitty pet owner. Hell, I tried to get people to take care of him in Oregon so I wouldn't have to deal with these end of life issues, because, really, I am chickenshit about it, but here we are. To date, it's the most difficult thing I've had to do. I mean, it's one thing to deal with the death of a loved one - it's incredibly painful, but at least you're not making an appointment to see them off. That certainty, that finality, the clinical-ness with which it will all occur... I don't know. I hate it, even though I know it's necessary, and it's making me incredibly sad.

So yeah, I haven't been blogging much lately. I don't really feel like posting happy pics of the kid tonight or sifting through YouTube clips. Or really doing much of anything more than spilling my guts and my sorrow.



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