Hey, you know what makes your 33rd birthday really, really awesome?

Walking out in the morning and finding out that some fuckwit has stolen your bike! Woo, yeah! Happy fucking birthday to me! Rot in hell, bike thief!

On the lighter side, when I was reporting the theft to the police, the officer's cellphone rang. Her ringtone was Chamillionaire's "Ridin' Dirty."

Okay, cheer me up and tell me about your shittiest birthday.