Talkin' trash to the garbage around me.

17 July, 2007

How not to move away from the people you love

We'll leave aside for the time being the clusterfuck that was the actual, physical translocation process (but to briefly sum up, I wholeheartedly recommend that you not ever consider using ABF Freight Services to haul your shit)...

A wise man recently told me that moving away from our loved ones is one of those life events that is so rare, we have no idea how to emotionally negotiate them. We fall back on dominant cultural narratives (like the "Friends" finale) or just try to wing it the best we can. In my case, if I had to do it all over again... well, maybe I just wouldn't move. But I certainly wouldn't repeat how I left Eugene.

Simply put, there's no good way to say goodbye to people whose lives have become inextricably linked with your own, who you've come to rely on for counsel, for humor, for support. And when I say there's no good way to say goodbye, I mean I did an absolutely lousy job of it for those who actually got a goodbye. And then there are those important people who didn't even get a lousy goodbye, which puts me in contention for the title of Jerk of the Century - and it's an awfully young century. I waited and waited for the perfect time to say goodbye... and then it was time to go.

So to my dear friends in Eugene, I'm still heartbroken from leaving you, and I'm embarrassed and sad that none of you got the goodbyes you deserved - or at all. Please accept my apologies and know that I love you all and think about you often. I'll never be able to tell you how important you've been to my life and how much I value your friendship. And know that the goodbyes we had (or didn't), lousy as they were, weren't so much "goodbyes" as "see ya laters."

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