For the love of god, please don't let your child grow up to be a teenage sexpot

Will someone please explain to me what the fuck this is all about?

Britney Spears is in hot water for hiring dwarves to entertain husband Kevin Federline on his birthday.

The pop babe asked two little people to carry a cake to her spouse during his 28th birthday party at exclusive Las Vegas nightspot, Tao, last month.

Britney also arranged for a dwarf-sized Cher look-a-like to perform a duet of 'I Got You Babe' with a diminutive Sonny Bono impersonator.

According to reports, guests at the initial birthday bash drunkenly cheered as the two dwarves came out with the cake and some unidentified revellers even suggested a dwarf-throwing contest.

Now I've never thought that Britney was anything other than a dim bulb (especially given her, um... "brilliant" cameo in Farenheit 9/11), but jeebus, her and her beau are two really fucked-up puppies. Did something happen to her on the Mickey Mouse Club? Bizarre.