To whom it may concern

Do you know what makes me more churlish than normal on my morning commute? Having to witness you make out on the Metro. I haven't had enough caffeine (or alcohol, for that matter) to deal with the involuntary spectacle of you sticking your tongues down each other's throats or having to overhear your pillow talk. Please reserve your tonsil-licking for the Metro's usual after 9 PM amorous hours and allow the rest of us to wallow in our morning surliness.