And no fucking brown M&Ms®!

Ah, the neuroses of Dick Cheney:

Now the White House's own rock star can be added to the list of demanding divas. Dick Cheney, the vice-president, demands that all lights be turned on prior to his arrival in a hotel room. He also insists that all televisions be tuned to Rupert Murdoch's Fox News channel. While watching the White House being praised on Fox, Mr Cheney would like to guzzle four cans of Diet caffeine-free Sprite.

Not mentioned in the Guardian: all employees who enter the veep's suite must wear white gloves and surgical masks; the veep requires at least 2 industrial size bottles of hand sanitizer; and the four cans of Diet caffeine-free Sprite must be disinfected under UV light for 15 minutes, and then rinsed with distilled water.

These accomodations can be made at fine undisclosed locations worldwide.

[updated March 24, 2006 9:12 PM]:You know, somewhere in that article is a "shoot someone in the face" joke, and I was too dim to pull it off. Help me out here!